Update on Bullying Bill in Michigan

A happy ending to an earlier post about a bullying bill in Michigan.  Originally, the bill allowed an exception to bullying on the basis of religion.  Fortunately, that has changed since then:

Michigan's state Senate dropped a bill Tuesday that critics called "a license to bully," and instead adopted a House version that represents a compromise among Republican lawmakers in a more comprehensive piece of legislation that would require anti-bullying policies in schools.

After the Senate passed the controversial anti-bullying bill, "Matt's Safe School Law," earlier this month, a wave of criticism poured in to lawmakers. The staunch opposition stemmed from a provision in the bill's language that permitted harassment by teachers and students if they can claim that their actions are rooted in a "sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction."

That fact such an amendment was put into place to begin with is absolutely shocking.  But given how the Republican Party currently exists, I must say that one can never underestimate the power of stupid or cruel. And when I talk about the Republican Party, I don't mean the extremes or fringe elements of the party; I mean the mainstream of the party.

The need to explain why such a proposal was a terrible idea to begin with seems almost preposterous.  But Michigan Democratic Senate Minority Leader Gretchen Whitmer did an excellent job of explaining why such a proposal was both asinine and cruel when the provision was first put into the bill.

Work Update

Despite all of the progress we were making, my student's behavior has started slipping further off the rails in the past couple of weeks.  He is still going to classes, although we are having to leave the room a lot more.  Across the board, he has started acting up more: using profanity, inappropriate conversations, getting angry, hitting the desk, kicking chairs, etc.

Some of his behavior is connected to his Tourette's, and I suspect his Autism as well (although to a lesser extent).  Some of his behavior is linked to the one time he was bullied by a student a couple of weeks ago (every other student in our program is treating him with compassion and trying to include him).  He now feels more students are either trying to bully him or want to bully him, although at this point, it is purely his perception (no actual bullying that I have noticed).

Some of this behavior is his reaction to watching so many other students misbehave, which is to be expected in a program for students with behavior disorders.  He not only feels it is disrespectful and annoying, but he is also frustrated at the fact that he has someone who is with him at all times telling him not to misbehave when he acts up, while none of the other students have someone.  I can understand his frustration there.  But he honestly thinks that other students do not get into trouble when they misbehave.  We at the program have to remind him that a) they do get into trouble, although we may not correct there behavior at every single moment of the day and b) these students have their own set of issues they are dealing with, so not to hold it against them.  

Up to this point, my student has taken classes largely with a group of students whose misbehavior is more severe than other students in the program, so that does not help him.  These other students that have classes with him also tend to have behaviors more related to conduct disorders, rather than similar disorders to what my student has (Autism, Mental Illness, Tourette's).  The program director has switched around his classes so that he will spend more time with student's whose behaviors are less reoccurring throughout the day.  While this move was necessary, I am slightly skeptical that he will do that much better, as he is still spending a great amount of time around students with ongoing behavior problems.  All I can do at this point is continue to work with him, and hope for the best.

On a positive note, my student has been spending a lot of time playing basketball with other students in the program, which he looks forward to doing everyday whenever we have free time.  He has difficulty with fine motor skills, so he has some trouble shooting and dribbling the ball.  But the other students that play with him have been very patient, and have done a great job at getting him the ball, letting him shoot, and not saying anything when he double-dribbles.

Work Update

Great news since the last time I wrote about work. The student I am working with has made a few adjustments in his medication, which in turn has changed the way he behaves as school.  He is now going to all of his classes, and on an everyday.  In addition, he is getting all of his work done (with very few modifications), and he doesn't take naps anymore.  He also seems to be fitting in well in all his classes.  He participates in an appropriate manner, and most of his peers seems to be treating him with respect and trying to incorporate him into the lessons.   We did have one incident where he was being bullied, but this was promptly dealt with, and hasn't reoccurred since.  He still goes home and deals with his own issues of misbehavior there, but even that has greatly improved from where he was.

We have, however, started running into one major problem regarding peer interactions.  Since my student has began to really find his comfort level in his classes, he is trying harder than ever to fit in with some of the "cool kids".  This includes mimicking the inappropriate language and topics of conversation that he hears.  Such misbehavior is normal in just about any secondary education setting, but it is especially prevalent in programs for students with behavior disorders.  When we confront him about this behavior, his response is that he feels other students are allowed to get away with it, so why shouldn't he?  We try to explain to him that those other students do not get away with it, even though we might not go up to them and tell them to stop it immediately the way we do to him.
 
I suppose mimicking such behavior wouldn't be such a big deal if the student I was working with could stop himself like other students.  But one of the disabilities he has are Torrette-like-symptoms, and one he starts speaking inappropriately, it is hard for him to stop.  This has become a very frustrating problem for everyone involved (especially him).  We are starting to look for other students in the program that he can be around that will set a better example for him (easier said than done given the type of students in the program).

Despite this setback, he is doing a lot better than he was when he first entered our program.  He is a wonderful kid, and I am so proud of him! 

Bullying is bad . . . Unless It's Done For Religious Rerrasons

Absolutely amazing:

Michigan Republicans turned what was supposed to be a new law protecting victims of bullying into a law pretty much declaring open season on them, thanks to a last-minute clause exempting anyone who can provide a moral or religious reason for their harassment.

"Matt's School Safe Law," which just passed in the state Senate and is now moving on to the House of Representatives, is named after Matt Epling, a gay teenager who committed suicide as a result of bullying. However, the president of the American Family Association of Michigan explained that the bill had to include the "religious motivations" loophole to prevent it from becoming "a Trojan Horse for the homosexual agenda."

I expect this kind of thing to happen in the South, or even where I live in Kansas. Not Michigan. So disappointing.

It Gets Better

Photo of Mitchell Wilson from Huffington Post

Over the past year or so, the "It Get's Better" has garnered much attention to the issue of GLBT teens committing suicide after they were bullied in school.  It started out as a project to GLBT teens, but has seemed to morphed into a message for all teens who are bullied, regardless of their sexual orientation.  It is a wonderful message that more teens need to hear.

Above is a picture of Mitchell Wilson.  Mitchell was an 11-year-old boy with muscular dystrophy in Ontario, Canada who committed suicide after being beaten up and robbed by another student.  Mitchell was the previous recipient of bullying, and after the assault, he was so terrified of going back to school and running into that student that he took his own life.  More details on Mitchell's death can be found here, but there is so much to be disturbed about this story on so many levels.  It is more than just the fact that he was a young man who was bullied, and committed suicide.  It is the fact that Mitchell was so young (not even a teenager), the fact that he was physically disabled, and the fact he wasn't merely teased or pushed around, but violently assaulted.  There have been very few stories in my life that have made me as sick as this one. 

Certainly, bullying is an all too frequent part of school growing up.  Traditionally, adults have taken a nonchalance attitude towards it.  Some will say it's merely a case of "kids being kids".  Others see it almost as a right of passage, or it will make someone a stronger person in the long run.  I can't say there isn't a hint of truth in any of those assertions, but it doesn't mean that bullying is harmless, and it certainly shouldn't be tolerated by anyone (especially adults).  Fortunately, times have changed, and people are not starting to wise up to how damaging bullying can be.  Since I started my career as an educator a couple of years ago, I have always had a zero tolerance attitude towards bullying in my classroom.  Mitchell's story has only renewed my commitment to stand up to bullying.

Like so many others, I was bullied growing up.  I wasn't bullied or assaulted in the same fashion that Mitchell was (although I did take my share of physical abuse from peers).  And I am straight, so I was not picked on for my sexual orientation (although I was called words like a "queer" and a "faggot" on several occasions).  I was simply a social awkward young man who was trying to fit in where I could.  Middle school was the most miserable three years of my life because of bullying.  I remember it being a good day at school when I was only called a "faggot" once, and maybe flicked in the ear a couple of times.

Oddly enough, a number of the students who bullied me I considered friends for the longest time.  For a while, I thought that beating each other up and calling each other hurtful names were how friends treated each other.  By the time I left middle school, I figured out that wasn't how friends treat each other, and I had almost no self-esteem left.  Suicide never crossed my mind, although I was probably really close to that becoming an option in my mind.  I do remember thinking that no one would ever love me and my life would never amount to anything.  There was very little I felt I could do about my own bullying at the time, although if I had to do it again, I would have probably tried to seek out help from school counselors. 

When I entered high school, I decided I would keep my mind and energy focused on getting good grades so I could go to college, and get a fresh start.  The bullying situation, for the most part, got better for me as high school went on, although I know that for so many others, the torment of bullying gets only worse.  One major regret I do have is not standing up whenever I saw other students get bullied.  I didn't stand up because I didn't want to get singled out myself.  I was afraid I would somehow divert the attention of bullying to myself.  I now wish I would have stood up and said something.

I ended up graduating high school and going to college.  I have done so much with my life since then.  This includes graduating college, starting my career, having lots of great friends, and getting married to a wonderful wife.  While I won't say I don't ever think about all those years I was tormented with bullying, I now know that my teenage years, as hard as they were, are only a small part of my life.  For anyone reading this post who happens to be in school now and is being bullied (regardless why you are being bullied), I want to let you know that IT DOES GET BETTER.  Know that no matter how hard it feels right now, it will not always be like this. 

I would like to add something else, and I know this may be hard for you to do if you are being bullied.  Do not look at your bully with hate.  At my current position, I work with students who have sever behavior and conduct disorders.  The students I work with frequently bully other students.  One thing I can tell you about such students is that they aren't bad people, and they aren't naturally prone bullying others.  Often times, they come from broken homes, and lives of dysfunction.  They may even be the products of bullying themselves, except the bullies in their lives may not be peers, but members of their own family.  By no means am I trying to justify their actions, and I would not go as far to say that you shouldn't take it personally.  Just know that generally, bullying comes from a place of pain and torment on the part of the bullier.

If you are having trouble dealing with bullying, there are a number of great outlets that you can go to and get help.  For starters, there is your school counselor, but there is also the National Suicide Prevention Hot line (1-800-273-8255), as well as stopbullying.gov.  Please, don't hesitate to get help if you need it.